For Women Only

We can learn a lot about being a good wife by looking at what NOT to do by some of the “Bad Girls” of the Bible. 

The Bible is living, alive and sharp. Any situation you will encounter…I guarantee there is something useful in the Bible about it.

Today, I want to talk about Delilah and Samson. This is a great story of love and betrayal. Then read on as I link this to how we can be in our marriages.

Judges 16:4-20 story of Samson and Delilah.

Verse 4: Some time later, he fellin love with a woman in the Valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah…

The Rulers of the Philistines hated Samson because he had killed so many of their people. The Israelites and Phillistines were always at odds with each other and hated each other.

Samson had long hair because God told his parents that he would be set apart as a Nazirite and must not cut his hair. He was stronger than any other man. He had supernatural strength given by God. He used that strength to fight the Philistines.

When the Philistines found out that Samson was in love with Delilah they went to her to make a deal. “We will give you eleven hundred shekels of silver”  (the equivalent of 275 slaves, a very large amount) (Jesus was betrayed by Judas for just 30 pieces of silver) to find out the source of his great strength. She must not have had a reputation for honesty and purity.

She said yes. She then began to question Samson about his strength. “if you love me you will tell me…” was the line she used. The first time he told her to bind him with seven fresh thongs. She did it while he was sleeping and woke him up saying “the philistines are upon you!”. Samson broke the thongs easily. He didn’t tell her the truth. He did this several more times and each time she would bind him in whatever way he said. The same way she would wake him up with Philistine leaders hidden in the room ready to take him away. After much pleading Samson finally told her the truth. That his hair has never been shaven and he cannot cut his hair. She shaved his head and sure enough, when she woke him up his strength had left him. The Philistines bound him and gouged his eyes. (This is the short version.)

This is a popular story. But I want to look at it from a different point of view…that of a wife.

If you look at this from a marriage perspective, what can we learn? How does this story apply to our relationships with our husband?

Story: 2 very close friends meet for lunch. Their conversation almost always ends up at the subject of their husbands. Each tells the other something stupid or silly or just plain aggravating her husband did this week. The complaints take center stage of the topics. Each lady believes this time of discussing the topic of husbands is just “girl talk”. Harmless talk about your husband is just a way that we women bond. Right?

Proverbs 31: 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.12  She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.

Ask yourself:

Can my husband truly trust in me?

Do I share any of his secrets?

Do I honor him everywhere I go and with everyone I talk to?

Have you ever thought about how you talk about your husband to your girlfriends, mother or sisters?

Did you ever consider if you honor your husband with your words?

Have you ever made fun of him in front of his friends or family? Or your friends and family and her knew about it? Even if it was just “harmless” teasing or sarcasm?

A.      Venting

It’s easy to vent to other wives. And especially to women who are not married to “warn” them what marriage is really like.

In the book “Marriage on the Rock” it talks about not talking about your husband to your family. Your family will always take your side. They are YOUR family. Even though your mother or sister may understand, they will always have a tainted view of your husband. This serves no purpose in your marriage other than your need to vent. However, a selfish act of venting has just dishonored your husband.

Yes, venting is selfish. We all do it. It makes US feel better. It doesn’t help any situation we feel is bad or unfair. It doesn’t make anything any better. It serves no other purpose except for us to tell our frustrations to someone who will listen, probably reassure us how bad we have it but it will get better. If we are not careful who we vent to our friend may just say divorce is the best option “why don’t you just leave him?”

We say we need to vent because we are women. We talk it out. Talking out loud sometimes helps me think through problems. However, be careful who you talk to.

Honor your husband with your words. You dishonor your husband when you talk about him behind his back. How would you feel if he talked about you? Maybe he has. But that doesn’t mean we return sin for sin. Dishonoring our husbands is sin. We talked a few weeks ago about love. Love does will treat others the way you want to be treated. You want to be honored. You don’t want your faults and failures to be discussed and flaunted. Even if your husband dishonors you in this way you must rise above that and not do it to him.

B.      Do I build up or tear down?

1 Thessalonians  5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

“Be a safe place for your man to fall. When the entire world seems like it is out to get him, he’’ll home running home to you!” The Respect Dare, Nina Roesner

The story in the Respect Dare says:

Time walked in and set his computer backpack next to the table. Without saying a word, he hung up his coat and sat down in his easy chair with newspaper. He usually greeted his wife, Maxine, as she prepared dinner, but tonight the energy required for niceties and human connection completely escaped him.

Maxine, hearing him arrive and wondering where he was, came around the corner, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.

For a moment, he simply sat and stared at her. Later she found out that this moment lasted so long because an internal war waged within his mind. He experiences in letter her know his frustration in the past frequently ended up badly. She took things personally even thought they seldom had anything to do with her. So he sat and looked at her, debating whether or not to open up and confide in his wife.

Finally, he spoke. “things are ad with the business. I had to lay off six of our team today—all of them have been with me since we started the company. They understood, but I still feel bad about it. Financially, I’m uncertain as to how we’re going to get through the next three months, even after laying people off.”

Now it was her turn to start at him. After a moment, she spoke. “Wow. I didn’t know things were that bad. You’ve always taken good care of us, though, honey. We’ll get through this too. Do you want to talk about it?”

Gone were the insinuations of his lack of managerial skills, and this time there were no cutting remarks about his ineptness at dealing with people. Her tone was kind, gently, and compassionate. He took a risk and poured his heart out to her, and all she did  was listen. He found it a complete relief and sensed that, somewhere along the line, a burden had been lifted.

Maxine felt privileged to sit and listen to her husband’s troubles. Her entire goal for the day was not to be critical, to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. While she now had some concerns about their financial situation , she realized that her husband was fully capable of dealing with it and that, if he needed her assistance, he would ask. In the meantime, she would simply trust God and not worry about whether they would be taken care of  or not. Later, her husband told her that this conversations was a real turning point in their marriage—one that paved the way for deeper intimacy and greater trust between them.

Think about recent times when your husband may have tried to confide in you about something. How did you respond?

Were you trusting of his ability to handle it? Did you criticize him? Were you critical of him?

How do you think he feels about telling you when he fails at something?

C.      Be supportive

In the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldman—she shares insights from men. 84% of men feel uncertain about themselves at work. Some said “I’m always being judged”

Men admitted that they frequently feel insecure, uncertain and vulnerable. Imagine if your man feels this way frequently but always acts like he has it all together and knows everything.

Be careful to always be supportive and reassure him how much confidence you have in his ability. Be specific about things he does well. Ex: he is smart, he is creative, he is good at solving problems.

Don’t just tell him what he is not good at. Chances are he beats himself up about those things.

Create a safe haven in your home that he knows when everything else goes wrong that you will always have his back.

Prayer:

Father, forgive me for every time I have dishonored my husband with my words. Forgive me for talking about my husband’s faults to my friends and family. Lord, help me to watch my words. Help me to build my husband up and not tear him down. I ask your Holy Spirit to show me my ways that are not pleasing to you or honoring to my husband. Lord, help me to talk to you about my problems and not other people. Give me wisdom when I talk to my husband. Help me keep my mouth closed when I shouldn’t say things. Help me to be a helper to my husband and for him to trust safely in me. Help me to forgive him for times in the past that he did not honor me or did not build me up. I forgive him for each time. I choose not to hold that against him. Since I look to you for my joy, peace and identity, I know that when I can’t depend on someone else to build me up I still know that you are always there and what you think of me and that you give me strength, security and confidence. Help me to be that for my husband whether he can do the same for me or not.

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