Lesson 5: Praying for your Spouse: Be the example

Be the Godly example.

This is the hardest part. (for me anyway, because I’m stubborn and I want vendication)

1 Cor 7:13-14   And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

You can’t be the example as a “holier than thou” “throw it in your face” type of christian. You are the example when you retaliate and respond in love and forgiveness rather than bitterness, strife, anger, or resentment.

1. Fight against the evil of resentment.

It will start as a “Keeper of Wrongs”. Keeping a list of every unkind deed or word he ever did. It will grow to resentment and eventually into bitterness.

It’s fairly easy to determine if you have resentment in your heart right now. Start praying for God to show you any resentment or unforgiveness you may have.

Ask yourself a few questions.

1. How does my spouse treat me?

If all you can thing of are the bad things, then you have kept a record of only wrongs. You need to start thinking of the good things. Maybe it’s only “he provides partial financial help”. Maybe it’s a stretch for you but start with something.

2. How much do I love my spouse?

Depending on how long you have been dealing with issues in your marriage and how severe the issues are this could result in various answers.

I remember a time when I knew I loved my spouse but I couldn’t say that I respected him. This is very serious. This is a sign that you are in trouble and need God’s help. Seek God’s help and seek godly counseling if at all possible.

Ultimately, you must come to a place where you realize that “love” the way the world views love is very different from the way God views love.

You must realize that “love” is a commitment not a feeling. Unconditional love doesn’t only return love when it “feels loved”. Unconditional love will love no matter what. This type of “agape” love is difficult when you are more concerned about yourself and how you “feel”.

The world will tell you that you deserve better. You deserve this…that…You deserve nothing but to keep your marriage together and sacrifice whatever is necessary for it. We don’t even understand what true sacrifice is anymore. That is why the divorce rate is just as high in churches as it is in the non-church world.

2. Fight against the temptation of bitterness

Hebrews 12:15    Make sure that everyone has kindness from God so that bitterness doesn’t take root and grow up to cause trouble that corrupts many of you.

Bitterness will feed hate into a struggling marriage until separation or divorce seems the answer. Your spouse may succumb to this but you can’t.

Bitternesss starts as unforgiveness, then it turns into resentment, anger, and frustration. Then if it you don’t let God deal with this in your heart it turns into a hard wall that is only seen by harsh words and thoughts that say “I could kill you” “I wish you were not around” “You are…(fill in the blanks)”.

If you already see the fruits of this in your life then you are already ahead of the enemy. You “see” the problem. Now God can begin to heal this in your life.

Read the “Prayer for Bitterness”. This is a good start.

Jesus can set you free from all the bitterness. Once you are free you can effectively pray for your spouse.

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