Lesson 1: Because You Know Better

“Praying for Your Spouse” was posted earlier. In the next few posts I plan to share with you details of each lesson learned.

Like I said earlier, I tend to learn things the hard way. My hope is that what I learned the hard way will help someone to make better decisions and have a joyful, godly marriage.

I asked God this question. Inquiring minds want to know…

 “Why must I always be the one to say “I’m sorry” or to take the “high road”?

God’s answer to me… “Because you know better”.

My question included…”Why must I be the one to pray about it, to try to fix it, to educate/gain knowledge from the Word? Why can’t my spouse help with this?”

The responsibility for correcting the situation (applying God’s truth to the situation) falls to the spouse to which the problem is revealed. If you have an understanding of the cause and effect of the offensive behavior, you must be the one to war against the enemy on behalf of your spouse and your marriage.

There is a war for your marriage…to divide and conquer. The enemy of your soul is also the enemy of your marriage.

There are 3 problems I face to obey this truth from the Lord.

1. I have trouble controlling my tongue.

My mouth tends to run at a fast pace. Many times it out runs my better judgement.

I speak before thinking.

Proverbs 15:1 (NET) A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 15:33 (ESV)”To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!”

Proverbs 18:21 (Amplified Bible)”Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].”

I am in management over 80-90 employees. Everyday I make quick decisions and snap judgements. My opinion at work is important (or so I think) and necessary to the business. However, at home my opinion is not necessary if it will divide, hurt, or offend. Sometimes what I want to say is not what I need to say.

This also includes “attitude”. How you say it is often more important than what you say.

You can create life or death in your marriage relationship. You can divide and drive a wider gap between yourself and your spouse and also between your spouse and God. Watch what you say and how you say it so you create life.

 2. I am prideful.

This is the most difficult to deal with. I am a Type A, get it done, I have all the answers personality.

1 Cor 13:4  Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Did you catch that? “boastful, proud, or demand its own way…and endures…”

I don’t want to follow God’s truth. I don’t want to be the only one to work on the problem and humble myself. I want to yell out everything my spouse does wrong. I want my problem validated and prove that I am in the right and my spouse in the wrong. I demand satisfaction!

You may be the only one right in your marriage. You really may have the answers to correct the problem. But we only see through our eyes of flesh and understand with a limited mind. We fail to remember that God, in His infinite wisdom, is the only one with all the answers. “Fixing” the problem is not “enforcing” biblical wisdom, it is “following” it.

3. I put more trust in fixing problems myself instead of trusting God.

Trust God.

Yelling, fussing, nagging, opinions, derogatory comments, bad attitudes…they will not help your situation. It feels good (sometimes). It feels like we are doing something, anything to correct the issues. We feel validated to express our opinions.

However, none of those things are mentioned in the Bible as possible solutions to any problem. In fact..

Prov 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;

How annoying and counterproductive.

To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This also includes relationships. You can also refer to it as the biblical law of “reaping and sowing”. If we change our actions to line up with the Word of God then we will see different reactions from our spouse.

In that moment when God answered my question I knew he heard every prayer ever prayed for my marriage. He also let me know that I am on the right track…putting it in HIS hands. Of course, that puts some responsibility back on me to search out His Word and practice it.

This may be difficult to do but your marriage is worth the effort.


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