Praying for your Spouse

I, unfortunately, know what it is like to be married to an unsaved person. I say unfortunate for him because he his still lives unsaved and the marriage ended.

I lived through the fiery trial incurring giant, gaping, wounds. Wounds I did not fully comprehend until the dust settled. I cannot even begin to list the deep wounds inflicted by the divorce (consequences to separating what God joined).

I believe we go through tests and trials 1. to make us tried like silver, and 2. to help others.

For example, a women who has been molested will learn much from that experience and  by the grace of God come out on the other side with a greater understanding of God’s grace, mercy, strength and ultimately, healing. She will be a valuable vessel used by God to help other women and to pray for others.

I don’t claim to be an awesome saint living with no sin and no mistakes. I am human and usually learn the hard way.

I just pray that what I learn the hard way (because of stubbornness usually) others will learn from my experience and never fall prey to the same mistakes.

You can judge or you can learn from my mistakes. My prayer is for the latter.

I learned much from 13 years of marriage but I learned so much more after the divorce. I sought God to teach me how to pray more effectively so I would never go through divorce again. Divorce should never be an option. Marriage is a blood covenant and a lifetime committment.

If you are contemplating divorce or separation please read this and give it a try first.

I still use the same principles for prayer with my husband (who is saved). He is human and therefore not perfect. Because we are human we will still face each other’s sins, failures and temptations. Satan never stops fighting and neither should we.

I learned…

1. “Why must I always be the one to say “I’m sorry” or to take the high road?”

God’s answer to me was “Because you know better”.

The responsibility for correcting the situation (applying God’s truth to the situation) falls to the spouse to which the problem is revealed. If you have an understanding of the cause and effect of the offensive behavior, you must be the one to war against the enemy.

So get busy!

2. “We do not fight against flesh and blood..” (your spouse)

We fight against principalities, and powers, and rulers of darkness (Satan and his kingdom). Your spouse is not the enemy.

Every time I am offended I revert to human nature and temptation to lash back in retaliation against the “person”.  That is the trap of the enemy! And I fall into it almost every time.

Jesus is the best example of how to respond to offense and abuse.

Forgiveness and love

After severe beating and abuse Jesus goes to the cross saying “Forgive them, for they know not what they do”. (I digress at this point–I am not saying to take beatings–that is another discussion).

Jesus saw the people as tools the enemy used against Him and also as souls that needed salvation. He showed great love and compassion.

  •  Earnestly seek God’s “agape” love (unconditional)
  •  Pray for spiritual eyes to see the heart of man the way Jesus does. So much of how we percieve problems and people are in direct opposition to the way Jesus sees them.
  •  Then go fight the enemy on your knees in prayer and fasting.

3. I learned how to pray the Word of God.

Inevitably, your spouse will have traits that are not in line with the Fruits of the Spirit (or any other Word of God). Start by placing his name in front of each fruit (trait) …”John is patient, John is kind, etc…”

Use that Sword!

Search out other scriptures that apply spiritually to your situation and pray those scriptures over your husband daily. This is spiritual warfare and effectual prayer.

4. Proclaim what is not yet as though it is.

Hebrews 11:1     Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (NLT)

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.

Not only do you proclaim the truth of God over your spouse in prayer but also proclaim it to your spouse. Not in a condescending manner or taunting. Proclaim his identity traits in Christ at every opportunity.

Caught being good!

When he shows patience in the smallest form praise him for it. Tell him “you are so patient” when he shows patience. When he shows love, praise him for it. “I feel so loved when you do that”, “I am so thankful I have you in my life. ” Even if the trait is faint and hard to see, find ways to tell him how wonderful he is. He may not be wonderful yet but God is changing him from the inside out.

5. Be the Godly example.

This is the hardest part. (for me anyway, because I’m stubborn and I want vendication)

1 Cor 7:13-14   And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

You can’t be the example as a “holier than thou” “throw it in your face” type of christian. You are the example when you retaliate and respond in love and forgiveness rather than bitterness, strife, anger, or resentment.

Fight against the evil of resentment. it will start as a “Keeper of Wrongs”. Keeping a list of every unkind deed or word he ever did. It will grow to resentment and eventually into bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15    Make sure that everyone has kindness from God so that bitterness doesn’t take root and grow up to cause trouble that corrupts many of you.

Bitterness will feed hate into a struggling marriage until separation or divorce seems the answer. Your spouse may succumb to this but you can’t. Jesus can set you free from all the bitterness. Once you are free you can effectively pray for your spouse.

Prayer for Bitterness–

 Father, forgive me for not forgiving my spouse as you commanded me to forgive. (Matt 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.) You placed no limit on the amount of times we forgive. So forgive me and forgive me for keeping a record of wrongs.

I forgive (name) of every wrong he ever committed and every offense against me (list every one you can think of) I choose to forgive completely just as you forgive me and to remember those sins no more as far as the east is from the west. i release hm from any debt that is owed to me. He owes me nothing from this point on. I am due no repayment for wrongs against me. In place of anger, hurt, resentfullness, regret and bitterness I pray your great compassion and boundless love abides in me. I pray for grace that is sufficient in all circumstances. I declare that joy is my inheritance in all situations.Thank you for moving on my behalf in this marriage covenant. I Jesus name, Amen.

Do not grow weary in well-doing. When you feel weak or falter in fighting for your marriage especially when fighting what seems to be “alone”. Remember, you walk by faith not by sight. And so important…the battle is not yours, it is God’s. He fights on your behalf.

You are never fighting alone.

The Lord, commander of the hosts of Heaven fights for you!

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